I have come to realize that we can come to a point in our lives where we are complacent in regards to where we stand spiritually. I have been at that point for sometime. Neither moving forward nor backward.
In Gospel Principles class at church yesterday, Danielle Logan gave a synopsis of the book she's reading by C.S Lewis "The Screwtape letters" in which Satan has a host of followers who try to deter people from their relationship with God. She spoke of how they try to break up the lines of communication with him...namely Prayer. He does this first by weakening our prayers with repetitive requests and statements, then they become less frequent and more and more less personal. I'm sad to say they have been quite successful in accomplishing this with me.
I have felt the gentle promptings of the spirit for years telling me I need to improve my prayers in order to be closer to My Heavenly Father.
So last night after the girls were in bed I watched "Special Witnesses of Christ". Then I went to my room to pray. I didn’t even know where to begin. It seemed such a struggle to break the silence and have my prayer be humble enough and sincere enough to penetrate the walls of my room and ascend to Heaven. It is not that Heavenly Father has not been listening all along but I have somehow been relying too much on my own strength. Last night I tried to release that belief and seek to have his help in my life and in regaining the strong personal relationship I miss so much.
It was the first time in years that I felt an embracing peace all around me and that my prayer had finally broken the mundane barrier I had created for myself.
There is so much more I want to BE as a mother, a wife, a friend, a sister, a daughter and I think this is the first step in becoming that person. I think I need to be personally taught and led by Him who is the author of all the good qualities I desire to have. And it is through the Atonement of Jesus Christ that I can start with a clean slate, which I am so thankful for. I love my Savior Jesus Christ and Heavenly Father so much and I know They love me and have blessed me personally as well as my family. I’m so grateful for them in my life and I’m excited to embark on a new journey in coming to know them better.
Here is one of my favorite quotes from my missionary Journal by C.S Lewis
“Christ says, ‘Give me all. I don’t want so much of your time and so much of your money and so much of your work: I want you. I have not come to torment your natural self, but to kill it. No half measures are any good. I don’t want to cut off a branch here and a branch there. I want to have the whole tree down. Hand over the whole natural self, all the desires which you think innocent as well as the ones you think wicked-the whole outfit. I will give you a new self instead. Infact I will give you myself. My own will shall become yours’”.
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4 comments:
Beautiful, Nicole! What a sweet testimony, and thank you for sharing it. I LOVE C.S. Lewis!! Have you read "The Scretape Letters"? It is amazing. Anyway, thank you again for your testimony! You are awesome!!
so interesting because trent spoke on sunday and he spoke about elder uchtdorf's talk on "a matter of a few degrees." after reflecting on our lives we have decided that we also need to be better at prayer, studying the scriptures, and especially keeping the sabbath day holy. you should read that talk. it is awesome! thanks for sharing your testimony.
Such powerful words. It is always uplifting to hear someone's testimony. And reading what you said has helped me to look at my own life and to see that I too am beginning to fall into those quick and repetitious prayers and that I have some work of my own to do. It is amazing how quick Satan is to jump in when you let your guard down for a moment. Thank you for sharing!
Hey Nicole!!! I didn't know you had a blog. It's been way too long. We can come over and play whenever (as soon as we get back to Oregon). Your girls are so darling. I can't believe Megan graduated Preschool.
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