I guess I've gotten to the point of desperation. AT bedtime it was another meltdown. the only way we got her to stop screaming was to scream back at her:( so sad. but honestly all the talking, persuading, tucking in just doesn't work.
SO, I pulled out that book I bought a few months ago. "Raising your spirited child". I actually broke down crying while reading it b/c it is like reading about MYSELF.
and yes, I took the test and i'm still a spirited adult. sigh. NOT that that is a bad thing....but it's hard...as a child there are about 5 statements I heard DAILY from my family that really affected me and still stick with me:
"You're So loud!"
"You're just TOO sensitive Nicole"
Now that I'm older, we laugh about it. My sister now has a daughter that is JUST like the way I was and sometimes she calls her Nicole instead of Madison when she's being loud or crazy. I've been there and I just laugh and say "Thanks Trace!".haha..we have agood laugh but I realize that all those statements sort of produced a complex in me. AS I read this book I realize that I need to help Erika take these STRONG traits and reactions and use them for good. She is a wonderful, amazing child and I know she will get what she wants out of this life.
It is just so very humbling trying to learn how to work with her, meet her needs without being walked all over and to add to it, she has a mother JUST LIKE HER!. When she gets worked up, I get worked up and then we are BOTH worked up (lol) and it's just a MESS.
The book says I need to learn to control my OWN strong reactions before I can help her control hers. ....sigh. GREAT! one more thing to add to my list of things to do;). I do feel more optimistic after reading half this book tonight though. I will try to read more tomorrow.
Right now, the big thing is how crazy she's been lately at bedtime.....I realize she really needs a LONG time to wind down (unlike Megan who is asleep in 5min most nights)....I am going to try to spend some time with her in the dark soothing her at bedtime. we do the whole bedtime routine: books, teeth, prayer, songs...but I think she needs more. I wanted this to be enough but the obvious answer has been stareing me in the face for a while and I just didnt' want to aknowledge it.
She Needs MORE.
she is not Megan, she doesn't fall asleep easily, she doesn't wind down easily....she needs more from me at bedtime and I need to help her learn how to wind down. After all, I AM her mother, if I don't help her, who will?
Okay, this has been long-winded...I don't blog often and these feelings are VERY personal to me and i'm quite sensitive about them, but thanks for listening.
It's funny....I have had this fairly big revelation that I need to take most of next year off from work and tonight it hit me why.....this year Erika is going to need me more than Ever. The Lord knows what he's doing. I'm so thankful for Him. I know He will help me become the mother that both my VERY DIFFERENT children need.
Saturday, December 19, 2009
I know at first glance of this title, most of you are laughing, or nodding and sighing thinking "oh yes....the terrible two's"...hee hee, ha ha, ..but NO. SERIOUSLY...this is beyond my parenting capabilities...on our way home tonight from dinner at a friends house... I said to Steve "What is wrong with us? ...why don't we have the patience that our friends have with their kids?".....
first off, let me say, Megan never had terrible 2's, or 3's....she did all of her freaking out the first 6mo's and has been easy peasy ever since.
Okay...so I need advice. she is wearing me thin. I've figured out one part is that when she doesn't get enough sleep she's definitely worse. so when she doesn't have a nap that is atleast 2.5hrs long she gets over tired and the nightmare begins (like the last 2 days). EVERTHING is a tantrum or a struggle. she screams for every frustration she has and no matter how much I try to remain calm and help her, give her words etc etc..you name it we 've tried it..she still freaks out...at the teensy tinyest things.
if she' s putting on her socks and they're crooked she starts screaming..but if I try to help her she screams even more an then rips them off and runs away. This is only ONE example...it seems like EVERYTHING is like this lately. she hits megan ALL THE TIME, she pushes, she screams, she yells, she stomps,....ugh...it is exhausting just thinking about it.
she'salso taken to pooping in her panties and so I wash her off in a cold bath (don't want to do a warm bath b/c she loves baths and that would be too rewarding)..it seemed to work after about 4 x b/c she didn't do it for about a week but tonight she pooped in her panties again. I knew she had to poop and I warned her that she need to go on the potty but she did it anyway.
at bedtime, we told her there was no bottle b/c she wasn't behaving nicely today...that lead to a 45min melt down which eventually lead to steve and I BOTH having our own meltdowns.
she's taking over our home!!!!!!!!!!! what do we do????????????
I know the Lord expects me to be more patient... but I'm telling you I've TRIED...NOTHING gets through to this girl, she is the most stubborn, strong willed, "I will hold out to the death" type of child i've ever met.
i'm really HOPING someone has something inspiring to share with me b/c i'm at the end of my rope.The most discouraging part for me is that I ask myself "what if this isn't the terrible two's? what if she's like this she's 18?". I wish I knew for sure this would pass.
thanks for listening....I wish I could put in more detail but hopefully this gives you a general idea.
Posted by Nicole W. at 9:21 PM