I know....I am a blogging machine lately. I just figured I should write down my thoughts more often. not sure if anyone reads them but there is something therapeutic about writing.
Today I got up and it was SO hard to motivate myself. I haven't run since my 5K race on Saturday...I've just been lazy and unmotivated...you'd think doing so well and being so happy with my results would get me up and excited to push further and do better....but no.
Anyway...I FINALLY got out today. It was BEAUTIFUL! strong wind...but not cold, it was amazing.
I only ran 4 miles but ran each mile progressively faster. While I was running I was thinking to myself
"why could I run so fast on Saturday?" faster than I've EVER run and when I'm out here doing this, I tell myself
"it hurts too much, I can't go any faster, I can’t go any further"
but it's all lies. do you ever think about that? why do we lie to ourselves? Why do we tell ourselves “I can’t” before we even try?
When I was running saturday I came to a hill and at the top of the hill I stopped for a second b/c I was so out of breath, Tanja started yelling at me and so I got moving again…but in hindsight I think man, I could have been closer to 21:00 had I not stopped. but I sabotaged myself by telling myself I couldn’t go any further unless I stopped for a sec. Again, it was just a lie. I could have! I would not have died.
My guess is that most of us have never pushed ourselves hard enough to even see what our best is. Personally, I’m sort of afraid to push myself that hard. It makes me feel vulnerable.
Tanja, my friend who ran with me to push me through the race, emailed me this morning and said In reference to my time on Saturday:
" You did really great! Do you know what that means? It means you can do better than you think!”
It just really got me thinking. I have to push myself harder and dig deeper if I want to achieve the goals I have set for myself! I can’t settle for doing “good”, I need to do and be MY BEST! My very very very BEST! I am stronger than I think and I need to stop limiting myself because I don’t feel like I deserve to be the best or the fastest.
Running has been an exploration of self for me. It’s helping me to see what I’m made of, not just physically but MENTALLY!.
I am on a journey! I am going to get under 20minutes for a 5K.
hold me to it:)