Ugh...it's almost 1am and I'm still up. It might be b/c I had a 90min nap today and went to bed at 9pm last night but I think it has more to do with the fact that My brain is buzzing!
I have a million thoughts on my mind and I just need to dump them somewhere...I couldn't keep Steve up any longer..he was a good sport and listened to me ramble for a while.
I have a new goal of writing more posts and not just putting up pictures anyway..so here goes...
1. Megan. She is turning 5 next week. what the heck? 5?! seriously? how and when did I get a 5yr old. sigh...she missed the cut off for kindergarten and I was planning on testing her in but changed my mind b/c I really wanted to prevent her and Erika from being 4yrs apart in school. I feel good about that decision...but now I'm wondering if I should have enrolled her in preschool. all her friends have started Kindergarten OR are in preschool. It would not only give me a chance to have some alone time with Erika but it would allow megan to get out and use her brain more. I think I want to throw my T.V out.
It's stressing me out. I feel like a bad mom...like maybe i'm holding her back?
if I CAN find a preschool to take her still...I don't even have a way to get her there b/c we only have one car and steve takes it to work.........why is everything always so complicated?
2. My business. At first I planned to work less next year. take some summer off, be at home on the weekends more. Then we got our first phone call about paying back student loans. yikes!
I am super duper excited to tell ya all that I am going to CT in January to take makeup lessons with my favorite makeup artist www.naomimartinez.com
I have loved her work for years and the best part about it all is that she is going to work with me on my time. She says she can help me get my makeups down to 20min instead of the 45min it takes me now. Not only would this give me more free time but it would allow me to split my saturdays up next year and fit more weddings in so we can pay back those loans faster.
I have SO many things and questions about the logisitics of how i'm going to work all this out though..it is seriously keeping me up at night....
3. I miss my family like crazy. I spoke to my oldest sister the other night on the computer. we both agreed that we feel like we hardly know each other anymore.
I cried looking at picture of my two sisters together at my aunt/uncles 50th wedding anniversary that I missed b/c I was working:(. I never get up to see my sisters b/c it is a 9hr trip and i'm not too keen about doing that with 2 little girls by myself:( plus again,we only have one car, etc....
I haven't seen my neices and nephews is almost a year...or my sisters and it breaks my heart.
I love our life here in the U.S but there has to be a way to see my family more.
Work and all those things are really just a means to an end to me...don't get me wrong, I LOVE my work, I LOVE doing makeup...but the real motivation in doing it all is so I can have the means to create a life where there are no barriers to seeing my parents and sisters anymore.
I want a house. A house where my sisters can come STAY with me. I hate that we live in a tiny apartment and there's no where for them to come with their kids. it sucks!
Everything in life that brings me happiness has to do with my family.
4.The moosh. Oh the moosh. she is such a little darling. A FIESTY little darling...but that is what I love about her. unpredictable, fiery, loud, FUNNY, sweet, snuggly little mooshy.
She loves babies so much! I mean SO much. she seems to have a natural instinct around them. I feel like she should have a younger sibling..but that is a whole other issue. That is a HUGE decision for Steve and I and we go back and forth on it ALL the time. we can't really make any decisions until we know if we'll be staying here or not. I really wish we knew about the status of his visa now....but we have to wait til spring. So many things hang in the balance until we know those things.
well..those are just a few things on my mind. thanks for letting me vent...I feel like a weight has been lifted...a little.
I love my life...it's a great life and I'm so blessed...I just hope i'm doing a good enough job.
that could be number 5. aaah...the guilt I am always feeling over wondering if i'm doing ANY thing good enough....Does anyone else feel like this all the time??
I really need to be more organized in pretty much EVERY facet of my life .......I think that would help.
well...it's now past 1am. I have a HUGE wedding tomorrow (blessings) so I better get my butt to bed. someone hit me over the head! lol
good night.
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4 comments:
awwww! don't you love blogs for dumping your feelings but not having to listen to anyone tell you what to do to fix your problems?! i'm always here too if you need to vent chickee :) i say a good visit with the sisters is in order and yes....i feel like i'm not doing a good enough job a lot of the time, but let me assure you - you are amazing and do a great job all the time! you are an amazing mother, wife, YW leader, sister, daughter, and friend for sure!
keep the eternal perspective in mind chickee and if i can do anything to help, pleeeease let me know! love you and i'll miss you lots this next week!
I felt like I wrote your post for you! I feel like that a lot of the time. I work, have two girls, and ONE car that Kevin takes. I've come to realize there's no point in worrying about things that are completely out of my control. I still do every now and then. I have the hardest time with feeling like I just don't have enough time whether as a mother, wife, or employee. Ugh. Thank you for venting my feelings ;) Just know it will all get better!!!
-Alyssa
You are too cute! Thanks for the vent session. I loved reading it. Glad you feel better and it's nice to know what's going on with you. I was actually talking to my sister (the one that you reminds me of) tonight about you. Just about how awesome you are and how I miss living close to you. Anyway, just wanted to tell you that you were in my thoughts.
thanks Lindsey you are nice!! I WISH I had awesomeness ooozing from me, but not the case! haha
we all miss you here too...maybe Jared can relocate his office?;)
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