May 18, 2010

today was a MUCH better day. I woke up with the resolve to have a better day than yesterday. Yesterday I was depressed and just blah all day! luckily I have Steve home now so he entertained Erika and Megan went to Jennas to play. I sat around on my butt:):) but by the end of the day I started to read my scriptures and that always helps me!!

Today I actually did my circuit training, found 2 swimsuits for cheap at old navy($10each!!) and visited with friends.
I am a lucky girl. Life is good.

OH..one thing that sucked though...My car has a flat tire! not sure what happened over night but it is FLAT and won't even hold more than 8psi:(:( so that's a bummer...don't really want to fork out $100 for a new stinkin' tire right now! I wanted to take the girls to the safari thing in BAndon...but with Steve not working right now I have to monitor our finances a lot better so we'll see about that. Might have to put it off for a while:(

thank goodness the Lord continues to bless us!!
I love Him. every day I recognize his hand in my life, his great mercy for this little Wagner family.
well, that's all for today...need to clean my house and still get up early to run tomorrow!

nighty night!

Sunday May 16th

I started writing in my journal again last week after my Young Womens lesson I gave on...Journalling nonetheless. I usually write sporatically....every month or so...or when something great or terrible happens and I feel I need to document it. But today I was thinking I should blog more. more about important stuff and not just lame-o things like I sometimes do.

Lately, I've got to thinking alot. Alot about the kind of person I want to be, the kind of friend I want to be, Wife, mother, all that.

I have been making a concerted effort to stay off the computer more and just "hang out" with my kids more. Most people dont' know that about me but that is REALLY hard for me! I am a go-go-go type of person....and it's really challenging for me to just sit and play. I always feel like I need to be emailing a bride back, folding laundry, cleaning the kitchen, calling a friend...I guess I have that disease..whatever it's called..keep yourself busy even if it's not productive or important.
I've NEVER been the girl who needs her "alone time" ....well except for once ina while away from the kids but even then I like to have a friend with me. I'm not the one who loves to be alone. I always have been a bit co-dependant. I'm mostly over the real dysfunctional part of that and now I just like having company more than anything.

Anyway, I realize that I want my girls to remember their mom growing up as the one who wasn't always "too busy". I want to be there when they need me and it's been nice.

This morning Erika woke me up at 6:22am....not really my idea of a "good morning"..when i walked her back to her room, she was very whiny and I was afraid she would wake megan...so I just jumped into bed with her...not something I would normally do, but it was nice. I love that she has twin bed now and I can fit comfortably in there with her. She nuzzled her warm little face upto mine and for that moment, though exhausted, I was in heaven.
I woke up an hour later to Megan lying on top of me and Erika lying beside me. we said our morning prayers, had a bath and got ready for church.

There is always such a peace in the mornings...if you don't chase it away. Steve stayed in bed b/c he has a cold and the girls and I went to church alone..but they were so very well behaved. I felt grateful.

Erika is talking alot the last few days and I see her growing up before my eyes. Maybe I'm just too emotional but it makes me sad. I dont' want her to grow up. I already feel sad thinking about the fact that we can never go back in time and hold them as little babies again....part of me sometimes secretly tells myself that in heaven, Heavenly Father will let us hold our babies again one more time just because. Who's to say I'm wrong? ya never know right? it gives me comfort to think of the possibility.
Erika is also VERY clingy lately. I can't tell you how many times a day she says "mama, I want you".....something Megan also says alot. lol...she can be sitting right in my lap and she will still repeat it over and over. I remember as a child, I was the same. i could never seem to get enough of my mom. I wanted to be with her ALL THE TIME. I pretty much begged to sleep with her every night til I was 12yrs old. I guess my girls got that from me. I could have bigger problems than kids who love me too much:) but I feel bad b/c I remember that nothing seemed to fill that longing I had and I hope they don't feel that way too.

Anyway...I'm having a sort of sad empty feeling tonight...not sure why...probably b/c I didn't do the 2 things I told myself I was going to do tonight..procrastinator. ugh.
There's always tomorrow..not that that is a good excuse AT ALL..but still. for now it will have to do.

OH...and I ran my first 5K yesterday..it was amazing. maybe I'll blog about that later this week.
for now, I have some scriptures to read before bed.
over and out kids.

N.

which dress?

Okay....so Steve and I won an anniversary shoot...which I'm SO super excited about. we never had a photographer at our wedding and so we really don't have too many great pics of us:( it has been a sad spot for me for years..plus I chopped 14" off my hair right before I got engaged so I have short hair in my wedding pics:( I've never had an up-do even:(....SO...this is my chance to get nice beautiful formal pics of Steve and I.

We plan to do the shoot downtown in June. I'm thinking I want something very fun, high fashion..big messy up-do etc.

So..it's very hard to find a dress with cap sleeves but these are the ones I found in my size from Nordstrom.com

I will put them in order of my favorite and if you could indicate by number which one you think is best (and why) I would really appreciate your opinion...I am having such a hard time picking!!!
p.s Steve will be in a suit (or at least shirt and tie, dress pants).

here we go: and try to imagine ME in the dress lol...some of these models have very diff coloring than me. I did try one on recently just like the last one and it was actually very cute on.
thanks for your help!!!

#1-Maggie london

#2 -Suzi Chin B/W

#3-BCBG

#4-Suzi Chin White

The Birthday Boy!

I am so behind....as usual.
I had to post today though because today is my sweet husband Birthday:)

34 yrs ago today, Stephen Craig Wagner was born....and boy am I glad!

This last year has been fabulous...but especially the last 6 months.....

I can honestly say that He is the perfect man for me. I am so grateful for his mother who raised him to be such an incredible dynamic person and I'm so grateful he joined the church so I could meet him and marry his cute face!

A few of MY favorite things about this wonderful man:

1. His brain. I really am attracted to it:) He is wonderfully smart in so many departments.

I can say without hestiation that there is nothing he can't do. For 7yrs he has amazed me over and over. he can fix anything, build anything, solve any problem...you name it, he can probably do it.

2. His abilities as a father. Is it strange that as a mother I have learned more about smart parenting from HIM than any other person or the numerous books I've read? He is a parenting genious. He always gently corrects me when I seem to be letting things slide. He is a master teacher with our children. I try to remember the things I see him say and do so I can apply them...I'm not very good at it but hopefully someday I will come by it as naturally as he does.

3. His kindness. Yes my husband can be a little blunt and a little insensitive sometimes..he is a man afterall. But he also has a wonderfully sensitive side. He never fails to compliment me,tell me I look cute, tell me all the things he admires about me, thank me for everything I do for him and the girls. He makes me feel so good about what and who I'm trying to become. He is also good about giving me constructive criticism and tell me when he thinks I'm not living up to my potential as a mother or friend. As much as I hate hearing it at the time, he really has helped me become better.

4. His beautiful eyes. enough said. I just have ALWAYS loved looking into this eyes. they twinkle. especially when he's happy they twinkle and sometimes when he looks at me, I can just see the love and it is my favorite look in the whole world. Those moments are my favorite.

5. His sense of humour. For those of you who know myhusband, he is funny. he's always good for a laugh and I love that he makes my mom and dad laugh so much. overall, he's just FUN!

6. last but not least, I could go on and on..... but I LOVE that he has started running with me:) he's really good and I love it! he just ran his first half marathon with me in April....when he smacked my butt while running past me at mile 8, I couldn't help but smile...rather than feel mad he was about to kick my butt, I felt proud. I knew he'd be a great runner if he just got started.

So that's it for now.

Stephen Craig Wagner, I love you. I thank God often that I found you and that you have loved me these last 7 plus years. I meant it tonight when I said, You are the most amazing man I've ever known. I still can't believe you're mine.

Love you forever;) xo

The Book of Mormon...

So, it has been 5 mo's now that I have kept my promise to the Lord that I would read the scriptures every day no matter what. I had gotten into quite a rut, getting so busy that I was just not making time for it. I got fed up with myself because I have always had a testimony of the Scriptures and especially of the Power of the Book of Mormon in my life. When I read it, I feel closer to Jesus Christ and I feel a peace in my life that I cannot get any other way than by reading the scriptures (and living the gospel of course).

I have more personal revelation in my life and I am definitely more able to be the kind of Mother and Wife I want to be. I feel that I am blessed with more patience with my children and am better able to handle the stresses ( and there have been A LOT lately!) that come into our lives. I feel closer to my husband, and closer to my Heavenly Father. I just dont' think there is anyone out there that could not benefit from reading it.

Anyway...I have been feeling especially grateful for it lately and know that I need to share my testimony of it more often.
So, here it goes.
I DO KNOW that The Book of Mormon is True. That it is the Word of God, as is the Bible. I know that it brings those who read it closer to Jesus Christ.

I found this video on www.lds.org today and just LOVED it! this is Elder Jeffrey R.Holland, he is one of the 12 apostles and his testimony is powerful. I completely and whole heartedly stand by and testify of everything he says here. check it out, it's only 4 min long. the last minute is important so watch it all the way through.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CkKblIMfmjI

I love you all my friends:)

Race for the Roses Half Marathon...

Hello, I'm back:)

So thuoght I should update on my progress

So...after the Vernonia race didn't turn out to be so ideal I quicky went searching for another.

I found Race for the Roses but it was only 8days after the Vernonia.
I rested up good that week to make sure My legs and knee would be (hopefully) recovered.

I only got a total of 5 miles ran that week b/c I needed to rest...so it was a bit risky but I felt okay about it.

The race was at 7am so I had to be up at 5 to eat and leave by 6am. It felt strange going to a race completely alone but when I put my mind to something, I just have to do it:)

this race was completely opposite from the other...it had over 5,000 people in it between the 3 races: Half marathon, 10K and 5K.

The race starts out going up a small hill toward the Broadway bridge, over the bridge and down Naito until you head up hill for a mile and half to Barbur...I knew this would be a challenge...it is hard to push your self that hard for 1.5 miles to try to keep at your target pace (mine was a 8min mile page target). I have not trained for hills at all and now I regret it. I will be doing that next time:)

anyway...I was SO dead by the time i got to the top of it that I couldn't even enjoy the slight down hill that followed. The next 5 miles is through down town a series of ups and downs as you slowly climb to the NW.

Up until 11 miles I was still on track to hit my 8mile pace but I would have LIKED to have been 2 min more ahead (dang hill!) b/c I knew i would have to account for the fact that miles 11-13 would be slower than an 8 min pace. I was right and when I hit a huge hill at mile 12.6 I wanted to DIE! My legs just couldn't move any faster and trying to climb a steep hill seemed overwhelming...about 3/4's of the way up it, I walked for a bout 10 sec when I told myself to just keep moving!!!

I pushed through it, PAINFULLY and was able to finish the race at 1:46:41.

Had I been TWO MINUTES FASTER I would have hit my 8min pace goal:( Oh well...I feel good about it considering I had just run a half marathon the week before.

My overall pace was 8:08 per mile.

I placed 100th out of the total 1,472 women that ran the Half marathon

and I placed 26th out of the 264 women in my age group (30-34).

SO....In some ways I did reach my goal, b/c my other goal is to place in the top 10% so in both these cases I made that:)

I am starting training AGAIN this Monday and this time plan to step it up with a lot of strength training so hopefully I can hit or BEAT the 1:44:30 goal I have. I've learned from all this that it takes MORE than just running to get faster. I need to strenthen my core and my legs and my arms...so that's what I plan to do:)

stay tuned:)

here's some pics of me coming to the finish line.....

Feeling SO exhaused!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Vernonia Half marathon...

Wow. Where do I start? To say I am disappointed would be accurate, but to say that it was pure comical craziness and yes I am still glad I did it would also be accurate. I followed through with a committment and goal and that feels great.

It wasn't until this week that we started to think it was going to rain on the race, possibly very hard. I adjusted to that. no problem. It's just rain. As the day approached, we realized we might be running into hard winds. Okay...a bit more challenging, but we're still going to do it.

then Friday night the forecast shows a winter weather warning. 3-5" of snow overnight. WHAT? I didnt' know that Vernonia is 2000ft above sea level. didn't know any of these things.

When we started heading up there saturday morning, I was still very optimistic that this was going to be a GREAT race!.....as we got into Vernonia and were following the trail, I could see that it was covered in 2" of slush. Slush is slippery I thought and I know how paranoid I am running on anything like that, I don't want to break a leg!...the conditions got worse and I started to face the reality that this was not going to be the race I could set my personal best record on. That was the disappointing part for me. I had prepared myself physically and mentally for a race where I could run my heart out, a city race. Not an array of obstacles through the mountains:(:(

We finally all agreed (me, steve, Lee and Val) that we would just have fun and try to finish this course!

We bundled up REALLY warm, b/c it was 32 degrees(yes, that's freezing). The first 2miles was an out and back along a CLEAR paved pathway. flat. Perfect!! This might not be so bad I thought, lol.

As soon as you pass mile 2, you head up hill..... FOR 6 MILES over slushy paths. My knee was really starting to hurt around mile 6 which was a bit worrysome b/c I have NEVER had knee trouble in my 4mo's of training. I can only attribute it to the steady up hill climb the whole way.

Anyway, back to the race....So.. THEN (sorry, i'm actually laughing to myself when thinking back on it) at mile 8 you hit the TRAIL!....yes for the next 5.1 miles it is still up hill and a mix of deep MUDD, Gravel, SNOW, and in some places completely washed out so at one point around mile 11, I had no choice but to step into 6-8" deep water. I'm not sure how deep it was exactly but it was ankle deep filling both shoes with water:) .

The whole race I kept thinking to myself "When is it going to flatten out??!! When will it go back down hill???". At Mile 10 there is a 100ft straight down drop....but only to find a much longer steeper up hill again for the rest of the way. Poor Val fell down the hill it was so slippery and gross. when you finally hit what you think is the end, then send you up another steep incline for the last probably 500 yards. alot of people walked it, I tried to run it but I think my running at a steep incline was slower than my walking would have been! lol.

Steve had passed me back at mile 8 and so I was pretty happy to see his smiling sweaty face at the finish line. Actually at mile 8, I tried to grab a cup of water at the water station and he smacked my butt to which I CHOKED on the water and took off running after him! lol

I fell about 10min behind my goal, but considering the condtions I was actually surprised with the time I got. I still placed 3rd in my age group out of 60 women, got a cute little ribbon, won a Peach pie and got to hang out with great friends along the way:)

Unfortunately, I didn't go to run an obstacle course.....I went to run a fast race and set a personal record...so now I am trying to find a race in the next 1-2wks so I can run another half marathon with hopefully better conditions and preferrably on roads!;) I have not given up. One guy said I did really well ( to which I rolled my eyes-he didn't knwo this was a ridiculously slow time for me) but told me to think about it as another training run.....so that's what I'm doing. I guess that was my saturday long run for the week!....hopefully next week's race is better:)



and Steve, amazing! i can't believe he ran an average 8:19 mile through those conditions! he is a runner for sure and I'm excited to see what he can do with this sport:) I love him and I'm thankful he decided to run with me.

Me, I ran an average 8:37 mile:) a good time but considering my last half was a 8:21 you can see why I'm not doing jumping jacks:)

can't wait to get back out there and hit that 8:00mile pace for my next half:):) Like I say to Megan, "NEVER Quit!. We are NOT Quitters!":):)