it's about time....

Gosh...every night i lay in bed and think I need to be blogging about my days!!! but I never do. I am going to try to at least blog about the important things....
like how my mooshy and meg are growing up so fast.
I know if I don't start writing things down I will forget.
Like Erika and all her cute words....
"I know Nat Megan!!!" (I know that)
"Mommy, I WUV you!"
"Wook!" (see the trend? she can't say her "L's" or "R's")
"Toefy" (that is actually "toy story 3". it's a blended word she created lol)
"dats DE-Wiss-shus!!" (delicious)

she says hilarious random things too....like the other day we were talking about someone and she said "yeah, he wike Santa- Santa Tiny bit Scare-wy":) lol....

Megan has her own share of funny things these days.....
she watching toy story 3 and when they put Buzz in a time out I hear her blurt out in a very ticked off voice "Oh sure!, just because he's a FAMILY MAN, you put him in the time out chair!!"
when I looked at her and said "megan you are SO funny!" she says "yeah? are you gonna put that on Facebook? lol"

Erika has been asking if she can check her email too...oh boy...it starts. ha ha.

I just love my girls so much. I have been working so much and been so busy training these girls for next year among other things that my time with them has been limited. I hATE IT! we've had a lot of tears and stress around here. I can't wait til things calm down. I am making changes to ensure I have more down time next year:):)

Last night I took Megan to the movie "tangled" and it was so awesome! I loved having her on my knee and eating treats together! we even danced in the hallway to the fun music after!! I just love her so much!!
anyway...thats all I can think of now!
I mostly just want to be able to read back on this later!!!

STEVE HACKS THE BLOG: Some recent pictures to go along with this.

Erika Brooke Wagner 3yrs old!!!!!!!!!!!!

I know I have been a crappy blogger for ...well, most of the year! but I had to find 5min to write something about my little mooshy!!

Erika will be 3yrs old tomorrow. I can hardly believe it...it feels like it's been FIVE years! ha ha...i'm just kidding....
I wanted to write a few things that I think of when I think of the last year of her life:

*She started talking....FINALLY! we were getting really worried....
since then we've enjoyed some fabulous phrases like:

"me....you fill in the blank". ...
Me like it! Me no like it! me no want to!, me happy!, me cranky! , me tired! me sad!, me miss papa, me want to go park!....etc....as often as we correct her..it is always "me".....
this last week she has started to use "I" a few times....very exciting!

She has started to become alot more interactive with children....her and Megan can actually play make believe a lot more b/c she can use words and talk!

Something else that has become a very consistent "Erika-ism"...is that she WILL NOT listen when we ask her to get dressed or put her shoes on...she has been left inside while we get into the car on multiple occasions.....sadly she hasn't learned from the consequences:) (what are we doing wrong?!).

She finally adjusted to Nursery and really loves it! they even say she is good at sharing in there....wish i could say the same for at home;)

She has also become a very compassionate kid (most of the time)...she loves to help out by getting us things we need and offering to help.

Sleep this year.....hmm....I discovered that she HAS TO nap or we get nights of insomnia..not fun with a 2yr old

she got her first REAL bike!!! with training wheels and is really good at riding it.
Every day after school, Megan, AJ and Erika play on their bikes outside...it has been one of the happiest things I've seen all year! it reminds me of when I was little and would ride bikes with my sister and friends everyday.


Erika is a true joy to our lives and also a true test of our patience. I could not imagine life without her....I asked Lacey today:
"Why do we have children like this??!!! ( i was frustrated as she was screaming at bedtime again)
and Lacey replied:
"Because WE Were children like this!"
well put, Lace. lol

Erika Brooke...we love you! you add so much spice to this family! I can't wait to see you grow up!

Here are some pictures of the last year of her life!

Teach the little Children

It has been on my mind alot lately.....My children. I keep feeling an urgency about teaching them the gospel in the home. It is great that they learn at church but they need to be doing most of their learing in the HOME.
I have been reading some great talks from our recent conference by the 12 Apostles and our beloved Prophet. It has just been weighing heavily upon my mind.
I even brought it up to Steve 2 nights ago b/c I feel a bit lost.

I feel like we're in a bit of a weird circumstance.
I didn't grow up in the church.
Steve didn't grow up in the church.
Niether of us has ANY family in the church or any point of reference when it comes to children being raised in the church. I have no mom, dad or inlaws I can call to ask my questions to about family home evening ideas etc. It is very discouraging some times.
I love the Gospel and I have a huge testimony of it, but I'm not very good at knowing how to teach it to my children on their level.

I thought about writing this post to ask my LDS/Christian friends to share some of their experiences from growing up that they think impacted them in learning the gospel and gaining strength in the home. Perhaps things your parents did RIGHT that has helped you in your life in regards to spirituality. SO.....Please share!

**I had to share an experience though that I just had at the church bookstore .

We went b/c Steve needed to get some things and the girls always love to sit in the comfy chairs and read the childrens books. Anyway...when we first walked into the bookstore today, Megan and Erika ran to the chairs. Erika walked over and picked up a book and held it tight under her arm. I knew it wasn't a kids book b/c it was soft paper back. I paid no attention and walked to the back of the store. they sat for a minute then got up and followed me. I noticed she still had the book tightly under her arm,
"can I see?" I asked
"no, mine" she said gently. she seemed to be very protective of this book, which I thought was funny.

we kept walking around and found some nice kids books for them to look at . When we sat down, I asked again if I could see what the book was, she reluctantly let me look at it......

the book was: "Arming your Children with the Gospel"-"creating opportunities for spiritual experiences"

I was about to place it back on the shelf when I felt a gentle prompting to buy the book and that it wasn't an accident she picked it up. There were no other books like it on the shelf where she grabbed it from, it was the only one I could find. must have been left there in the wrong place by "accident" :).

you can call it a coincidence. I choose to call it an answer to my prayer last night when I asked the Lord for help and where to go and how to know how to start better teaching the gospel regularily to my children.
I love our Heavenly Father and in moments like this I am reminded that he Loves ME!:)

I've already started reading it and so far it's just what I need!!

Oh Lacey....

This is my good friend Lacey. She's always up for a little fun....I am doing some new before/After shots for my website and she is one of the beautiful ladies I have chosen to feature. Of course when I ask her to stand there and smile pretty...she gets the "silly's":) I had to post these b/c they are just funny....and note the Cat Pose below...and see if you can find one very similar of her Brother on Steve's blog a few months ago lol.
You'll all have to wait for the real before/afters to get up on my website in the next few weeks.
thanks Lace, you're a great sport!!! (and super photo-genic!) xoxoxo

wouldn't this make an awesome "After" shot? ! LOL

You can do better than you think!

I know....I am a blogging machine lately. I just figured I should write down my thoughts more often. not sure if anyone reads them but there is something therapeutic about writing.

Today I got up and it was SO hard to motivate myself. I haven't run since my 5K race on Saturday...I've just been lazy and unmotivated...you'd think doing so well and being so happy with my results would get me up and excited to push further and do better....but no.

Anyway...I FINALLY got out today. It was BEAUTIFUL! strong wind...but not cold, it was amazing.

I only ran 4 miles but ran each mile progressively faster. While I was running I was thinking to myself

"why could I run so fast on Saturday?" faster than I've EVER run and when I'm out here doing this, I tell myself

"it hurts too much, I can't go any faster, I can’t go any further"

but it's all lies. do you ever think about that? why do we lie to ourselves? Why do we tell ourselves “I can’t” before we even try?

When I was running saturday I came to a hill and at the top of the hill I stopped for a second b/c I was so out of breath, Tanja started yelling at me and so I got moving again…but in hindsight I think man, I could have been closer to 21:00 had I not stopped. but I sabotaged myself by telling myself I couldn’t go any further unless I stopped for a sec. Again, it was just a lie. I could have! I would not have died.

My guess is that most of us have never pushed ourselves hard enough to even see what our best is. Personally, I’m sort of afraid to push myself that hard. It makes me feel vulnerable.

Tanja, my friend who ran with me to push me through the race, emailed me this morning and said In reference to my time on Saturday:

" You did really great! Do you know what that means? It means you can do better than you think!”

It just really got me thinking. I have to push myself harder and dig deeper if I want to achieve the goals I have set for myself! I can’t settle for doing “good”, I need to do and be MY BEST! My very very very BEST! I am stronger than I think and I need to stop limiting myself because I don’t feel like I deserve to be the best or the fastest.

Running has been an exploration of self for me. It’s helping me to see what I’m made of, not just physically but MENTALLY!.

I am on a journey! I am going to get under 20minutes for a 5K.

hold me to it:)

May 18, 2010

today was a MUCH better day. I woke up with the resolve to have a better day than yesterday. Yesterday I was depressed and just blah all day! luckily I have Steve home now so he entertained Erika and Megan went to Jennas to play. I sat around on my butt:):) but by the end of the day I started to read my scriptures and that always helps me!!

Today I actually did my circuit training, found 2 swimsuits for cheap at old navy($10each!!) and visited with friends.
I am a lucky girl. Life is good.

OH..one thing that sucked though...My car has a flat tire! not sure what happened over night but it is FLAT and won't even hold more than 8psi:(:( so that's a bummer...don't really want to fork out $100 for a new stinkin' tire right now! I wanted to take the girls to the safari thing in BAndon...but with Steve not working right now I have to monitor our finances a lot better so we'll see about that. Might have to put it off for a while:(

thank goodness the Lord continues to bless us!!
I love Him. every day I recognize his hand in my life, his great mercy for this little Wagner family.
well, that's all for today...need to clean my house and still get up early to run tomorrow!

nighty night!

Sunday May 16th

I started writing in my journal again last week after my Young Womens lesson I gave on...Journalling nonetheless. I usually write sporatically....every month or so...or when something great or terrible happens and I feel I need to document it. But today I was thinking I should blog more. more about important stuff and not just lame-o things like I sometimes do.

Lately, I've got to thinking alot. Alot about the kind of person I want to be, the kind of friend I want to be, Wife, mother, all that.

I have been making a concerted effort to stay off the computer more and just "hang out" with my kids more. Most people dont' know that about me but that is REALLY hard for me! I am a go-go-go type of person....and it's really challenging for me to just sit and play. I always feel like I need to be emailing a bride back, folding laundry, cleaning the kitchen, calling a friend...I guess I have that disease..whatever it's called..keep yourself busy even if it's not productive or important.
I've NEVER been the girl who needs her "alone time" ....well except for once ina while away from the kids but even then I like to have a friend with me. I'm not the one who loves to be alone. I always have been a bit co-dependant. I'm mostly over the real dysfunctional part of that and now I just like having company more than anything.

Anyway, I realize that I want my girls to remember their mom growing up as the one who wasn't always "too busy". I want to be there when they need me and it's been nice.

This morning Erika woke me up at 6:22am....not really my idea of a "good morning"..when i walked her back to her room, she was very whiny and I was afraid she would wake megan...so I just jumped into bed with her...not something I would normally do, but it was nice. I love that she has twin bed now and I can fit comfortably in there with her. She nuzzled her warm little face upto mine and for that moment, though exhausted, I was in heaven.
I woke up an hour later to Megan lying on top of me and Erika lying beside me. we said our morning prayers, had a bath and got ready for church.

There is always such a peace in the mornings...if you don't chase it away. Steve stayed in bed b/c he has a cold and the girls and I went to church alone..but they were so very well behaved. I felt grateful.

Erika is talking alot the last few days and I see her growing up before my eyes. Maybe I'm just too emotional but it makes me sad. I dont' want her to grow up. I already feel sad thinking about the fact that we can never go back in time and hold them as little babies again....part of me sometimes secretly tells myself that in heaven, Heavenly Father will let us hold our babies again one more time just because. Who's to say I'm wrong? ya never know right? it gives me comfort to think of the possibility.
Erika is also VERY clingy lately. I can't tell you how many times a day she says "mama, I want you".....something Megan also says alot. lol...she can be sitting right in my lap and she will still repeat it over and over. I remember as a child, I was the same. i could never seem to get enough of my mom. I wanted to be with her ALL THE TIME. I pretty much begged to sleep with her every night til I was 12yrs old. I guess my girls got that from me. I could have bigger problems than kids who love me too much:) but I feel bad b/c I remember that nothing seemed to fill that longing I had and I hope they don't feel that way too.

Anyway...I'm having a sort of sad empty feeling tonight...not sure why...probably b/c I didn't do the 2 things I told myself I was going to do tonight..procrastinator. ugh.
There's always tomorrow..not that that is a good excuse AT ALL..but still. for now it will have to do.

OH...and I ran my first 5K yesterday..it was amazing. maybe I'll blog about that later this week.
for now, I have some scriptures to read before bed.
over and out kids.

N.